I had heard the rumors months ago and the writing has been slowly etching itself on the wall for over a year. My business partnership – we have been together now for almost 8 years – is dissolving. I do not yet know what the outcome will look like.
I have spent the last 3 days in a kind of emotional funk. I am detached and a little depressed like when you are in a relationship and you slowly realize it’s time to breakup. You remember that feeling, right? When the benefits have slowly faded away, communication and transparency have broken down, and you are no longer the same person you were when you entered the relationship.
The truth is that I AM a different person than when I began this job. I am now a mother and no longer judge my success by my job title or pay grade. If I get through the day with spit up on my shirt but have managed to brush my teeth, well now, THIS is a success.
Call it a shift in priorities or dissolve of an illusion, but I am not sure which way to go from here. Along with a large chunk of my paid time off, employer matched retirement contribution, and now my flexible work from home schedule being significantly reduced (taken away…), I am not sure this job is worth the stress anymore.
We have been through two large layoffs and major restructuring as a company. It has been a difficult two years and I have the work load to prove it. With the remote work policy changing to require employees to be physically located in the office at least 4 days a week, the last remaining true benefit for me has been taken. If I need to be in the office 5 days a week, I can make significantly more money at another agency. That is a sad fact. The sole reason I have remained with my employer for so long, is the work from home benefit. Without it, the alternative is full-time childcare or part-time employment (plus child care), both options leave me with less pay and less time with my girls. All 5 of us will need to be in 5 different places each morning, plus evening pick-ups. It’s a rat race.
The true cost can not be measured in money. It’s the time planning and packing for 3 kids and yourself each morning. It’s the cost of an hour commute twice a day to drop off and pick up in all weather and traffic. It’s the cost of seeing your children for only a few hours a day.
I have 2 months to decide my course of action. I feel deflated. I feel disappointed. I love what I do, but my heart is not in my ‘career’ and it has been difficult respecting the decisions of my employer.
Have you made a major shift? How did you decide to take the direction you did?